the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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