I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
