Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
