she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
bring money and cleavage
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
