You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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