I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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