It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
