but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
