The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
this will be a night to untag.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
