A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
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Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
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Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.