Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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