Have you finally orgasmed yet?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof