You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
