If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
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Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.