would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.