I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.