i love accidental penises.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.