if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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