I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
