i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
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Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
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Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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