i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
