He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
