It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
