my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
