Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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