The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
