her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
