i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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