I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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