his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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