No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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