Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
