are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
