JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
