Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
