your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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