This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
