Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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