I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
