Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
