More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
