Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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