So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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