The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
