You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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