I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
