I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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