End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
