that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
