were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
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my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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