wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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