Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You are the jesus of drinking
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
