I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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