DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
