you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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