It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Alive.
So much puke
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
