they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
