just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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