Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
