Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize