Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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