Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
