He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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