i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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