This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I could make wine with my vomit
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
